i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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