if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize