Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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