Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it's like iHOP with fire
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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