i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
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Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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