I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
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Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize