I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I could make wine with my vomit
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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