I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There's even glitter on my cock...
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