Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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