you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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