I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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