I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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