Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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