What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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