i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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