Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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