This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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