they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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