jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize