watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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