just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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