I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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