I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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