Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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