you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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