just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize