I think I died a long time ago.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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