dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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