I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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