I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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