The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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