i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
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He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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