I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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