Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize