I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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