are you so shy because you have an std?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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