I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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