He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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