Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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