so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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