And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
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I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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