Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
3pm strippers are depressing
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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