I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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