Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
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HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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