please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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