so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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