and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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The air was thick with penises
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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