Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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