We're facebook friends in real life
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize