I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize