Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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