I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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